Our Children

I spend a lot of time thinking about my children. I also spend a lot of time helping other people's children. Not because I am all that nice, well, sometimes I am indeed nice but, because I am a financial advisor who helps families plan with their wealth. It is wonderful to discuss with parents how they can save for their children’s college education, how if anything were to happen to the wage earner that the family is protected financially.


Still I spend a great deal of time counseling parents on what NOT to do for their children. We have become so child centric that we give and give and give to our children. But, to what end? My best friend had a roommate who didn’t know how to set up a bank account. No, this was not in college, this was last year. And, I am well beyond college aged.

My parents were polar opposite when it came to finances. My father is a saver. He also viewed any savings as his. He worked to earn the money. My mom stayed home and raised the kids. I saw my mom do little things for the house and me and my brothers only to lie to my dad about the money. After my parents’ divorce, I saw my mom walk away with very little because of the guilt she felt for not having made the money. She struggled financially. She is a bright woman but, she would over-extend herself to do something sweet for me. Thank heavens that did not happen a lot. Since my dad was raising my brothers, he did not contribute financially. Thank heavens.

Yes, I just said that. I am grateful that I had to do without. I am grateful that I had to decide between new shoes or a new sweater. I am grateful that in college I could feed myself for $10 a week – ok, so it was not the healthiest but, in a squeeze, I was fine. I was not too proud to take a crappy job.

But, today, I see parents give their kids money to the extent that the parents cannot afford it because heaven forbid should that child get a job. High school and college kids can work. They can pay for their own things. Should they get a break for grades and extra-curricular activities? That depends, what are the parents finances like? And, it depends on the kid. Does he or she have a good understanding of what things cost? Do they expect to maintain mom and dad’s standard of living through college and after?

People are complaining about the rude and entitled young men and women in the world. Well, we are raising them. Let’s take a look at what we are doing and what it teaches our kids.